Friday, October 18, 2013

A Glimpse into my Journal

 It isn't often that I write about things of a personal nature. Okay, it isn't often that I write at all, but I'm working on that (cut me a break!). I also don't write too much about my faith because I realize everyone has different beliefs and yours may not be the same as mine- so generally that is something of which I steer clear. Today, however, is different. I didn't realize that today was different until about an hour ago. I didn't get up this morning (...liberal use of the word morning...) and think to myself, "Today is the day I am a changed person!". I didn't decide as I was falling asleep last night that that would be my last day living in denial. No... that didn't happen at all. Today started off as any other day would...

  I woke up after a restful night of sleep. I stumbled to the kitchen and made myself some coffee. While the coffee was brewing I decided to do a little cleaning so I started a load of clothes in the washing machine, dishes in the dishwasher, and other small tasks of the sort- looking back, that should have given me a clue that today would be different. I was doing housework b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶I̶'̶d̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶o̶f̶f̶e̶e̶ ! Normally, during morning coffee, I browse Facebook for the latest gossip. I pin on my Pinterest boards. I read the news online. I do everything but self reflect because, at present, that is one of my least favorite things to do and especially so early (used liberally) in the morning. Today though, today those things seemed so trivial. So unimportant. I thought about how much I would have really liked to read my Bible and write in my journal. I hadn't been able to find either since our move. After a little digging around I was able to find my journal and seeing how the internet has a million different translations of the Bible- I was set. 

 I started by reading my last entry, dated August 6 (see, my blog isn't the only thing I neglect. Don't take it personal.). After reading that entry I realized this *for full effects click here*:

   Friday, October 18 2013
A lot has happened since my last entry, but not much has changed. After journaling that sentence, I thought about why? Why hadn't much changed? I wanted it to. I needed it to. What was holding me back from my full potential? The only way to achieve that is to w̶a̶l̶k̶ run away from sin. How do I do that? Is it as easy as sending a text message? Is it as easy as a single step in the right direction?   I knew the answer. I've known it all along. I knew the STEP I needed to take, but I had to be the one to take that step. No one could do that for me. 

Then I began to think about what would happen after I did what I needed to do. I wrote my fears out in my journal. I will share them with you shortly. As I began writing- The answers came to me clear as day. I would write down a fear and a scripture would come to mind. These are legitimate concerns. These are what keeps me from doing what I need to do. What has kept me from it for so, so long. Allow me to share *for full effects click here*;

What then? What happens after that step? How do I deal with the loneliness? The heartache? How do I deal with the temptations? The longing in my heart.. the need for attention? How do I deal with my regret?

Loneliness:
 "
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.  If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;  Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me." Psalm 139: 7-11

Heartache:
 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3


Temptations:
"There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 1:13

Longing and Needing attention:
"Humble yourself before God and He will exalt you." James 4:10


Regret:
"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." 
 Isaiah 43:18-19

I am very reticent to share something so personal on such a widespread platform. Okay, okay, I know that my platform isn't that big, but it's here.. on the internets where literally ANYONE with internet connection can see and that is scary. However, if this could mean a fraction to one single person who reads this as it means to me, it will be worth it.

Editor's note: I promise my next post won't be heavy. I'll be grossly inappropriate a minimum of three times and include a picture of a unicorn. Scout's honor. 


-K
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3 comments:

  1. You are on the right path my dear. Keep that chin held high and be proud of how far you've come. Faith and faithfulness in His plan are always a work in progress. <3

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  2. We are lucky! God gives us grace no matter what! Keep on chugging!

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  3. The bible truly has all our answers. We just need to seek those answers first. They aren't always what we want to hear, and that's why I don't seek it first most of the time. Thankfully, God's grace is amazing. <3

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